When people die...

...it totally sucks.
I know,...very intelligent words, Donna...but, reality is: it sucks!
So many of my family members have died of cancer. Pretty much all of them. I have friends struggling with it, friends just winning the battle [KUDOS], and those that have no choice but to just wait.
What would you do, or how would you feel knowing that you have cancer...and your death bed has been served??? The one thing I suggest to all of you is to get rid of the negatives ASAP...and surround yourself with happiness & positive & laughter. It won't mean you are naive to the fact...just filling your cells with good energy. Now, if I could be that strong --- kudos to me. I seem to always be better at helping others than myself!!!!
Right now, I don't feel ready to go. Do we ever? I'm not sure. All I know is that there is a huge beautiful world that I want to eventually explore with the "one I love" or AKA, partner.
My father-in-law [I refuse to use ex] is currently battling pancreatic & lung cancer - for over 3 years. It hurts me to have to talk to him on the phone [he lives 2 provinces away]...don't get me wrong...I love him dearly and he certainly has been a Dad to me. But, that's just it. He has a death sentence....we are just waiting. And, to know that each phone call could be the last - well, it is killing me inside. I asked him to be honest with me throughout the course of it: How do you really feel? Are you scared? Does it hurt? Are you staying positive? Are the Nurses good to you [I knew they would be]....And, he has been honest. Last I spoke to him: he was no longer eating, but was not in pain. And, he said he was probably getting weaker. No,..he was getting weaker. He has been one of the strongest people in my life [and still is]...I am going to miss him terribly. It's horrible when you sit there and can imagine the funeral of someone you love dearly....all because you know the time is coming.
As far as I know....at this exact moment...he is still hanging on. I am proud of how you have handled this battle, Roger! You are an inspiration! I love you and wish I could hug you one more time!

Is it strange???

I have to say....again....I love my job for what I get out of it. Oh, the pay has yet to be desired...but there are benefits! I get to hear great music, meet fantastically talented people, watch amazing concerts [best place is almost from backstage, for me] and get to venture out into the community. Mind you...it isn't always peaches & cream....but a little Granny Smith Apple is good to throw in for variety...right?!

So, why am I bringing this up?! For a shy, quiet girl...I have certainly become an open book. And, the need to share [for whatever reason] I am not sure why?! I guess that I was quiet for so darn long - just felt like opening up.

So, my last adventure was completely a surprise for me. I was able to go to Canadian Music Week for my very first time. Little City Girl heads to TO. I am excited,...then panic...OMG. I have to call Kimmer. She can be my guide for when I get lost. Or my chauffeur...since most of you think I am a Diva. Ok, maybe a little...

Kimmer was the best! Not only is she a bestfriend...but, she can take over when my insecurities kick-in, and she can plan things out like a lean-mean-machine. So, our adventures started on a Friday at 4pm...heading to the big city for a new Country experience. We were fortunate to be invited into a friends home for the weekend...which was close to the venue. The hospitality was fabulous! The venue was fun! And, for not being from the area...I sure knew a lot of people at the venue. Amazing! [You have to understand,...I come from a life where I had no life. No people around me.]

One of the highlights of my trek was actually seeing 2 CCMAs. Yup, our Host won 2 of them [that I know of] and being silly as I am....had to take a shot of them. Is it absolutely CRAZY that I was excited about this???? I suppose that a part of me always wanted to be a musician/singer and having an Award sitting on my bookshelf would be kind of cool, you know...

And, to actually get to know the person who won them, and realize that - Yeah, they definitely deserved them! - Coolio.

BTW....I was surprised to learn that our Host adds "io" to some words, as well. Another exciting part of my trip. Whats the Dealio with that?! ;)

OK, I have not been blogging for quite some time. I feel like I have lost a limb. Broken an arm. Gone crazy! Problem is...no laptop at home. No computer. I really need one.

I love my job, but when my day is done....I want to go home and relax. I like the feel of home. I like the security, the peace & quiet, the do-as-I-please freedom and feeling. I need it. I want it.

Lately, I have been dealing with a lot of stress. I want to chat with you about it, but I don't want to hurt certain people. And, that leaves me empty handed.

And, so...this is not an apology for not being able to Blog on a regular basis, but basically an explanation as to why I am not Blogging daily, or even weekly. Maybe I just need motivation. I guess my life has become busy and that has been stressful, too. Don't get me wrong...I like that I am busy and it is much better than not! So please hang in there....I will find a way to at least get a weekly Blah in! :o)

Music Mix-Ups

So,...I finally get out to an Attack game. Seems like it has been a lifetime!

Hockey...whether I know the play or not, is a huge part of my life! Always has been! My parents took me out to games, I even had a hockey stick when I was young. So, for me to get out to a game --- Bonus!

So, I'm at the Owen Sound Attack game [ http://www.attackhockey.com ] with a number of friends and we are listening to the Pre-Game "Get-you-in-the-Attack-mode-Music." It's up-beat & fun!

Sometimes...people don't really hear what the words of songs are, though: here's a prime example!

The Friend: What is this song? Why are they singing Prozac, Prozac?

Me: I don't know what it is?... Prozac? Huh?!

The Friend: Yes, they are singing Prozac, Prozac.....listen....

Me: [cock head sideways and listen....]

Me: :) [smiles]

The Friend: Why would they sing about Prozac?!

Me: They're not saying Prozac, "Friend"...it's Attack, Attack!

The Friend: Oh!

DUH!!!!!

How could I miss this?!

Today is Wednesday, January 19th, 2011....
OMG.....I am sooooooooooooo excited...seriously!

I am one of the fortunate ones going to see Brad Paisley on January 28th in Hamilton...limo provided! BONUS! It is all a part of the Country 93 Route 93! I am one of the lucky announcers that get to join the Winner & his guests.

So, I have seen Brad in concert before courtesy of Cory...and OMG....this man is amazing! He is one of the most amazing guitar players ever! And, his concerts...OMG! Totally cool! So, getting to see Brad a second time...exciting. THEN....I found out that Jerrod Niemann is opening. OM Double G! I <3 Jerrod! Jerrod.....I luv ya! So,....I was extremely excited for this date to arrive!!!

Now, I have been waiting a while for this concert and it popped up again...and this time...[Faint]...I found out that Darius Rucker will be performing, as well. I have always wanted to see Darius...even when he was in Hootie & The Blowfish.

SCREAM..........----> 2011 January goes out with a BANG! Brad Paisley, Darius Rucker, Jerrod Niemann....I am so ready for a night out ---- Limo style!

Pssttt...I heard a rumour!

So....lately, I have been battling Sinusitis & Bronchitis. I think I can finally see light at the end of the tunnel. But, on top of these annoying disturbances in my life....I am worried about Roger (battling for his life/pancreatic & lung cancer), Donna who is going for her Liberation of MS at the end of this week, Eileen who just went through a battle with Breast Cancer and WON! YAY, Eileen.......and, a friend who is not living the ideal life right now (you know who you are my partner in crime), a son who truly needs a job, another who needs to get off the games for a bit, a Sister that I am always worried about & crave a closer relationship with! And....on January 11th...my Baby got sick. Vomit & diarrhea.....again....a bacteria. :( This is where the rumour lies....

I look tired! I am tired! I have had late nights and the bags are showing under my eyes! Yikes.... I commented to a co-worker [as we are walking down the hall] that I would slit my wrists if I got pregnant in my 40's...and, here I am, a Mommy again. ***[Insert ears perking up here]***

Pregnant??? Hmmm....

[Insert rolling of my eyes here...all the way down the Hall - Insert Co-Worker laughing]

OK,...so I gained a couple of lbs.... 2 lbs People! And, the bags under my eyes are from stress, worry, and middle of the night let-the-dog-out-to-pee bags! I am NOT pregnant...and the only baby that could ever, possibly be on the way would be another Pup. Wait a minute, did I say another pup?! Slit!

Um,...9-1-1!!!!

My phone call yesterday...

...I was in a panic to call my Father-in-law...[I refuse to use "ex" with Sandra & Roger]...you see, 3 years ago in Feb....I found out the news that would make us live in fear and devastation..."Roger has cancer. Pancreatic & Lung...." It was like I was hit in the stomach with an axe.

I met Sandra & Roger when I was 17...I started dating their son. And, at a time when I needed my Dad (whom could not be there for me at the time)...I had Roger. Roger became my Dad. And, he was very much a part of my life for 17 years. I have been separated for 9 years now, but have kept in constant contact with Sandra & Roger...after all, they were/are my family regardless! And, I had my 2 boys to consider,as well!

Kyle was my first child...and first Grandchild on both sides of the family...then, before any others came along...I had Ryan, my second child. So...Grampy Thibodeau is very special to them.

So, I got to talk to Roger yesterday and it was one of the hardest things for me to do. The realization that he has gone 3 years with these horrible cancers, that the treatments stopped in July, that he is under palliative care, that he is losing weight like crazy, that his voice no longer sounds strong like the man I gained strength from, and saying the words "I love you..." knowing it could be the last time... just about killed me. He told me to hug the boys and kiss them....tell them how much he loves them...and, to tell them the importance of keeping in touch. :) I cried...and I cried. My heart is sobbing....I miss him and he isn't even gone yet.

The one thing I am very thankful and grateful for...I am able to converse with him. He is still alive and functioning, and he knows exactly how I feel! I love you, Roger...thanks for filling in as a Dad when I needed one....and thanks for being a fantastic Grampy to the 2 most precious things in my life: Kyle & Ryan! Muah...I love you all the sky!