I'm so scared that the way that I feel is written all over my face.
When you walk into the room, I wanna find a hiding place.
We used to laugh. We used to hug, the way that old friends do.
But now a smile and a touch of your hand just make me come unglued.
It's such a contradiction. Do I lie or tell the truth?
Is it fact or fiction...The way I feel for you?
It's so complicated. I'm so frustrated. I wanna hold you close. I wanna push you away. I wanna make you go. I wanna make you stay. Should I say it? Should I tell you how I feel? Oh, I want you to know, But then again, I don't! It's so complicated.
Just when I think I'm under control....I think I finally got a grip.
Another friend tells me that my name is always on your lips.
They say I'm more than just a friend. They say I must be blind.
Well I admit that I've seen you watch me from the corner of your eye...
Oh it's so confusing. I wish you'd just confess. But think of what I'd be losing if your answer wasn't yes.
I hate it 'cause I've waited so long for someone like you. Should I say it? Should I tell you how I feel? Oh I want you to know...But, then again, I don't! It's so complicated!
*This has to be one of my fav songs! One of many - chuckle! And, yes...some of this pertains or has pertained to me....or may in the future pertain to me... :) Thanks for making this song a hit, CDJ! <3
Friday, March 18, 2011
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Do you believe???
I am just curious if you believe in affirmations???
I started on Country 93 but really made a huge "debut" on 560 CFOS and became Producer of The Messenger Files with Carole Matthews. Check her out http://www.carolematthewsintuitive.com cause I certainly learned a lot from her! I learned that where I was in life....I put myself there. Going on the beliefs of other people. Not believing in my self-worth, etc. Well, I know differently now and I know affirmations do work.
Example: I always wanted to Cruise...always loved the Caribbean, especially St. Thomas, USVI...Nassau, Bahamas, and Puerto Rico. Not too long after I put it out there....BAM...I got the email that I was going on the CFOS Cruise....to those destinations.
Most of my life, I wanted a Jeep....BAM...start working for Troy/Edwards...and vehicle of choice was.....my Jeep.
Love dogs and for a couple of years eyed a Portuguese Water Dog - and, although Finn is not really mine...he is my baby...I am "raising" him. I have the pleasure to be a part of his life.
Always loved music & working with indie artists: I am an Emerging Artist Coordinator and work Middays on Country 93...ok, part of that may be my Mom's affirmation. She said it often enough.
Love to act: found my college buddies who own and run The Cousin Company, an Indie Film Company http://www.thecousincompany.ca
And, when I was losing hope and feeling caged in and basically choking...I ran into someone who just made me realize I could have and deserve more. To let go of past insecurities instilled by others (and myself....will not play the victim). And, within such a short amount of time - this person means so much to me. I know, I am weird. I can't help it...I just feel what I feel. Nor do I want to stop it. It is who I am!
There are many other affirmations that have happened....and eventually I believe that perfect (perfect for me) partner will arrive. Yes, I do believe! Good things do come to good people! :)
I started on Country 93 but really made a huge "debut" on 560 CFOS and became Producer of The Messenger Files with Carole Matthews. Check her out http://www.carolematthewsintuitive.com cause I certainly learned a lot from her! I learned that where I was in life....I put myself there. Going on the beliefs of other people. Not believing in my self-worth, etc. Well, I know differently now and I know affirmations do work.
Example: I always wanted to Cruise...always loved the Caribbean, especially St. Thomas, USVI...Nassau, Bahamas, and Puerto Rico. Not too long after I put it out there....BAM...I got the email that I was going on the CFOS Cruise....to those destinations.
Most of my life, I wanted a Jeep....BAM...start working for Troy/Edwards...and vehicle of choice was.....my Jeep.
Love dogs and for a couple of years eyed a Portuguese Water Dog - and, although Finn is not really mine...he is my baby...I am "raising" him. I have the pleasure to be a part of his life.
Always loved music & working with indie artists: I am an Emerging Artist Coordinator and work Middays on Country 93...ok, part of that may be my Mom's affirmation. She said it often enough.
Love to act: found my college buddies who own and run The Cousin Company, an Indie Film Company http://www.thecousincompany.ca
And, when I was losing hope and feeling caged in and basically choking...I ran into someone who just made me realize I could have and deserve more. To let go of past insecurities instilled by others (and myself....will not play the victim). And, within such a short amount of time - this person means so much to me. I know, I am weird. I can't help it...I just feel what I feel. Nor do I want to stop it. It is who I am!
There are many other affirmations that have happened....and eventually I believe that perfect (perfect for me) partner will arrive. Yes, I do believe! Good things do come to good people! :)
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
When people die...
...it totally sucks.
I know,...very intelligent words, Donna...but, reality is: it sucks!
So many of my family members have died of cancer. Pretty much all of them. I have friends struggling with it, friends just winning the battle [KUDOS], and those that have no choice but to just wait.
What would you do, or how would you feel knowing that you have cancer...and your death bed has been served??? The one thing I suggest to all of you is to get rid of the negatives ASAP...and surround yourself with happiness & positive & laughter. It won't mean you are naive to the fact...just filling your cells with good energy. Now, if I could be that strong --- kudos to me. I seem to always be better at helping others than myself!!!!
Right now, I don't feel ready to go. Do we ever? I'm not sure. All I know is that there is a huge beautiful world that I want to eventually explore with the "one I love" or AKA, partner.
My father-in-law [I refuse to use ex] is currently battling pancreatic & lung cancer - for over 3 years. It hurts me to have to talk to him on the phone [he lives 2 provinces away]...don't get me wrong...I love him dearly and he certainly has been a Dad to me. But, that's just it. He has a death sentence....we are just waiting. And, to know that each phone call could be the last - well, it is killing me inside. I asked him to be honest with me throughout the course of it: How do you really feel? Are you scared? Does it hurt? Are you staying positive? Are the Nurses good to you [I knew they would be]....And, he has been honest. Last I spoke to him: he was no longer eating, but was not in pain. And, he said he was probably getting weaker. No,..he was getting weaker. He has been one of the strongest people in my life [and still is]...I am going to miss him terribly. It's horrible when you sit there and can imagine the funeral of someone you love dearly....all because you know the time is coming.
As far as I know....at this exact moment...he is still hanging on. I am proud of how you have handled this battle, Roger! You are an inspiration! I love you and wish I could hug you one more time!
I know,...very intelligent words, Donna...but, reality is: it sucks!
So many of my family members have died of cancer. Pretty much all of them. I have friends struggling with it, friends just winning the battle [KUDOS], and those that have no choice but to just wait.
What would you do, or how would you feel knowing that you have cancer...and your death bed has been served??? The one thing I suggest to all of you is to get rid of the negatives ASAP...and surround yourself with happiness & positive & laughter. It won't mean you are naive to the fact...just filling your cells with good energy. Now, if I could be that strong --- kudos to me. I seem to always be better at helping others than myself!!!!
Right now, I don't feel ready to go. Do we ever? I'm not sure. All I know is that there is a huge beautiful world that I want to eventually explore with the "one I love" or AKA, partner.
My father-in-law [I refuse to use ex] is currently battling pancreatic & lung cancer - for over 3 years. It hurts me to have to talk to him on the phone [he lives 2 provinces away]...don't get me wrong...I love him dearly and he certainly has been a Dad to me. But, that's just it. He has a death sentence....we are just waiting. And, to know that each phone call could be the last - well, it is killing me inside. I asked him to be honest with me throughout the course of it: How do you really feel? Are you scared? Does it hurt? Are you staying positive? Are the Nurses good to you [I knew they would be]....And, he has been honest. Last I spoke to him: he was no longer eating, but was not in pain. And, he said he was probably getting weaker. No,..he was getting weaker. He has been one of the strongest people in my life [and still is]...I am going to miss him terribly. It's horrible when you sit there and can imagine the funeral of someone you love dearly....all because you know the time is coming.
As far as I know....at this exact moment...he is still hanging on. I am proud of how you have handled this battle, Roger! You are an inspiration! I love you and wish I could hug you one more time!
Is it strange???
I have to say....again....I love my job for what I get out of it. Oh, the pay has yet to be desired...but there are benefits! I get to hear great music, meet fantastically talented people, watch amazing concerts [best place is almost from backstage, for me] and get to venture out into the community. Mind you...it isn't always peaches & cream....but a little Granny Smith Apple is good to throw in for variety...right?!
So, why am I bringing this up?! For a shy, quiet girl...I have certainly become an open book. And, the need to share [for whatever reason] I am not sure why?! I guess that I was quiet for so darn long - just felt like opening up.
So, my last adventure was completely a surprise for me. I was able to go to Canadian Music Week for my very first time. Little City Girl heads to TO. I am excited,...then panic...OMG. I have to call Kimmer. She can be my guide for when I get lost. Or my chauffeur...since most of you think I am a Diva. Ok, maybe a little...
Kimmer was the best! Not only is she a bestfriend...but, she can take over when my insecurities kick-in, and she can plan things out like a lean-mean-machine. So, our adventures started on a Friday at 4pm...heading to the big city for a new Country experience. We were fortunate to be invited into a friends home for the weekend...which was close to the venue. The hospitality was fabulous! The venue was fun! And, for not being from the area...I sure knew a lot of people at the venue. Amazing! [You have to understand,...I come from a life where I had no life. No people around me.]
One of the highlights of my trek was actually seeing 2 CCMAs. Yup, our Host won 2 of them [that I know of] and being silly as I am....had to take a shot of them. Is it absolutely CRAZY that I was excited about this???? I suppose that a part of me always wanted to be a musician/singer and having an Award sitting on my bookshelf would be kind of cool, you know...
And, to actually get to know the person who won them, and realize that - Yeah, they definitely deserved them! - Coolio. 
BTW....I was surprised to learn that our Host adds "io" to some words, as well. Another exciting part of my trip. Whats the Dealio with that?! ;)
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