June 11, 2012

Cancer affects all of us in one way or another, whether it be news about someone we know, a friend, relative or yourself. It also controls you with the "fear of..." *Could it be cancer? *Will it develop into cancer? *When do I get results? *How long have I got? *Can I beat it? Here are some of my "history" points so as not to bore you. All you history-buffs, we can chat later! #1 I am a sensitive/emotional person. That's just who I am! #2 I sometimes feel what others don't. Keen intuition?! #3 Every relative seems to die of some form of cancer. #4 Memere - my Moms Mom, had breast cancer. It killed her by spreading. #5 A tumor was found on my sons ankle while he was at a Boy Scouts camp. The fear that gripped me when I saw the c-ray....horrendous! #6 A shadow on my chest X-Ray prompted investigation of a possible breast lump (not referring to size of my boobs). Two week wait. Scary! The fear of the possibility left me with anxiety! My boys were 12 & 8. #7 Developed a Fibroid Tumor. Pre-menopause. I felt it, it hurt. Impossible was what the Doctors said. I felt the pain! Three years later...growing from the size of a dime to the size of my fist, and after a major hemorrhage ...it was removed. WOMEN: Research Fibroid Tumors! They CAN turn CANCEROUS! Someone I know lost her Mom to a fibroid tumor. Do NOT take hormone therapy if you have one. #8 pain in left breast. Changes...discoloration...tenderness. Start examining. Find a lump. Left side. I left it go...chalking it up to scar tissue (old war wound - kidding - breast reduction.) So, see the Doc & lump is confirmed. Mammography and blood tests next. Sigh! Am I worried? Yes, deep down inside. Almost like waiting on results from a High School Exam. Do I think it's cancer? No. But, I refuse to take a chance, considering my family history. Am I thinking of my Grandma? Of course! I am also thinking of my buddy Eileen, who just lost a Breast to cancer. She is stronger each day & cancer FREE! YAY!!! But, I now know how it feels to be a woman and pondering the idea of losing a breast. It belongs to me Cancer! Ugh! Another fear brought on by cancer. Not impressed! So, June 12...tomorrow...Boob squishing day. Anxiety over possible pain. We each feel differently! Whatever the results...I am OK! Honestly! If it's positive, I'll cry. I may even do so if it's negative. I will also deal. I'll still be OK. Another chapter in the DH Files & in my life!