Do you know what Pain is?

Well,...I certainly do! Thought I would take a different approach to my regular Blogs - which have NOT been regular - And, I want to talk about something that has been bothering me...A LOT!!!!!

Pain. Sometimes you look at someone and they look fine. Yes, just like all those postings on facebook. You can't "see" the pain...so...you figure the person is A-OK. That isn't always the case. For those of you that really know me...you know I suffer. And, I try not to say too much about the pain...but, well, um...it damn well HURTS!

I'm assuming it is a combination of my dancing/gymnastic/tomboy-ish days along with old age. Just add a couple of DNA defects there, too. 
I have mild scoliosis...a kyphoid spine...injuries from tree falls, and dancing and gymnastics. And, basically, it is all catching up! My Nana warned me...I can still hear her say it....almost 40 years ago! Oh...to top it all off: I have hyper joint flexibility mobility.

I have exercised all my life....maybe not as much in the past 3 years...I know...I need to get back into it! But, don't tell me it'll make the pain go away. It doesn't! I can remember pain ever since I was 9 years old...continual pain. You just learn to live with it. Except lately...it hits me at night. All night. Last night was bad! Up every hour...and the pain is a constant ache. I hate taking meds and lately I have been giving in...which makes me "expand" which puts more weight on my joints and causes more pain. See the cycle?! I have tried the "natural" and "holistic" ways...and they aren't working, either.

The one thing I have also learned is that when I am in a "bad" situation...I hurt. No,...I am not unhappy...I just hurt. My body tells me! Will I ever be pain-free...yeah, when I die....but, I'm not looking forward to that at the moment. I still have a LONG LIFE to live - just putting it out there to the Universe :) !!!

So, if I happen to snap at ya...which I NEVER mean to do...it could be how I am feeling inside! Just sayin'!

My Co-worker KILLS me! Careful...language may offend.

Co-Worker: Hey...have I shown you my new phone?! [Super excited]

Me: No.... [thinks anything is more exciting than my phone]

Co-Worker: Come check it out!!!! [almost runs to the studio]

[Pulls out phone. Talks to it:]

Co-Worker: Text Donna

Phone: What do you want to say to Donna Henry

[My eyes widen....crap...this is super cool!]

Co-Worker: Hey Donna it's Cory I just want to let you know you are a whore...smiley face.

[I walk out to my phone....sure enough...I have a text....it reads:]

Text: Hey Donna it's Cory I just want to let you know you are a core :)

[WTH???? Obviously "Phone" does not like bad language! Beep beep, beep beep! New text...]

Text: Whore

In my industry, I get to participate in a lot of extremely cool things. And, well....sometimes I have to really go-out-on-a-limb! For instance, Painting a picture when my best painting - EVER - may have been from Grade 5 (and, that's a stretch.)

It was 3 years ago that I saw something unique on facebook. It was introduced to me by New Brunswick Country Music Recording Artist - Chris Cummings. It prompted an interview with Chris that led me to an introduction to Tim Fox in Fredericton. So, this year I have finally come out of my shell and sent in my painting.

It is A Brush For Hope, a fund-raising project for The Kidney Foundation of Canada where celebrities from across Canada put brush to canvas to raise funds for Kidney Research. These paintings are then auctioned off on eBay.ca - this year being Oct. 20 - 30th.

Kits are sent out early in the year (paints, brushes, canvas, etc.) and then it is up to the "celebrity" to paint whatever he/she would like to display to the world. I have no idea how I have been deemed "Celebrity" status but, I certainly am OK with helping the Kidney Foundation.

Paintings will be auctioned October 20 -30th, 2011 on eBay.ca so please stop by and check them out! All you have to do is type "kidney foundation" in the search field and bid on the painting!

Some of the Celebrity painters are: Chris Cummings, Myself (Country 93 - Owen Sound), Jason McCoy, Clayton Bellamy, Mike Myers, Brent Butt, Natalie MacMaster, Faber (Faber Drive), Julian Austin, Justin Trudeau, Paul Brandt, and Steven Sabados (Steven & Chris of The Designer Guys)...with many, many more. My initial idea was to paint a Maritime ocean scene, as I love and miss the ocean. However, my skill level at painting dictated that I paint a portrait of my Portuguese Water Dog - Port Colborne's Finn. He is almost 18 months old and the "baby" in my life. Please check it out on ebay.ca...and check out all the other fabulous paintings while you are there!

My link: http://www.ebay.ca/itm/Donna-Henry-Original-Painting-Kidney-Foundation-Brush-Hope-Dog-/110761637613?pt=Art_Paintings&hash=item19c9e876ed

Column for The Northern Light in Bathurst, New Brunswick...

FanFest at the CCMAs in Hamilton, ON with Doc Walker...

From The DH Files:

In the words of Carolyn Dawn Johnson, let me introduce myself...or re-introduce myself to you. Born, raised and having lived most of my life in Bathurst, NB...it'll always be considered my home, and I thought I could share some of my DIVA DJ experiences with you. [Insert Rolly eyes here.]

It has been 9 years since I moved out to Owen Sound, ON....where I work as a Morning/Midday On Air Personality for Country 93 - Bayshore Broadcasting Corp. - see, Al Hebert...you influenced me! I have to admit, I love my job! And, I love working with independant artists. Yes, I am also an Emerging Artist Coordinator.

What in the world is that, you may ask?! Well, with the support of my station, I help Indie Artists (especially in Country music) try to survive in the music industry. If I can help an Artist/Musician gain some "airplay" or "popularity" or get extra "gigs"....that makes me happy!

Last year was HUGE for Indie Artists seeing Victoria Banks win Female Vocalist of the Year & Gord Bamford winning Male Vocalist of the Year at the 2010 CCMAs (Canadian Country Music Awards), with both up for the Awards again this year in Hamilton, ON. I have to say: I felt like a proud Mom. Both were very deserving of their awards.

A Muskoka girl now living in Nashville, Victoria Banks is a sweetheart full of soul and one of the best Songwriters in the industry. Her latest CD, Never Be The Same, is about empowerment and I love each song and the stories behind them.

Born in Australia and having moved to Lacombe, Alberta at age 5, Gord Bamford knows how to throw out - or throw in rotation - one great song after another. 2011 sent Gord into Eastern Canada on his Rowdy Boys Tour, which started in Owen Sound, with Aaron Pritchett & Marshall Dane. All 3 put on a great show, and I hope you got to see them.
If you are an Emerging Artist...what are you waiting for???? GET IN TOUCH! And, if you have an interest in Canadian Country Artists and have access to the net...I welcome you to listen in to Country 93 for our WHATS NEW program with Bob Bannister & myself, Saturdays 7pm & Mondays 10pm (NB time) at http://www.country93.ca/ By the way, I'm Donna Henry, former Bathurst resident currently On Air for Country 93 - Mornings/Middays/Emerging Artist Coordinator in Owen Sound, ON.

Johnny Cash Tribute with local Artists....

Ya know......

It sure has been a while since I had the time to chat with y'all...so, thought I would take a moment to mention One of my recent MC gigs....I met Johnny Cash when I was 4 and have always been a fan to an extent (I am always a fan to an extent :)...)

I loved the humour that Brian Moniz & The Oulaws brought to the stage! Just remind me to NOT wear a similar outfit next time! Ha ha ha!

Thanks to The Painted Wardrobe for the beautiful dress, btw! Another great Joseph Ribkoff fashion!

Singer-songwriter Jay Semko visits!

I tried to explain this to a friend (and, well,...she got "it")...I can be a huge fan of someone but not a fan in a usual way. Hard to explain.

I grew up with The Northern Pikes...I loved them, I played them...I probably still have their "cassette" somewhere?! They can be checked at thepikes.com

I had 1987 - Big Blue Sky & 1988 - Secrets of The Alibi. I just simply loved the music. I couldn't tell ya who the band members were, and unless we became friends...I could care less. I simple loved their music.

So, we are 2010 and I am an Emerging Artist Coordinator with Country 93...and we have a submission from Jay Semko. Wait a minute....I know that name! Ahhh...The Northern Pikes...well,... "a part of" returns to my life. And, now I am excited. This guy is talented...and branched into Country Music....and, well, he was the bass player for The Pikes. OMG! Check him out at jaysemko.net.

It's hard to explain what it is like to meet someone like that. And, yes...they are a human being like you & I....but, in my eyes...a very talented human being! And, without actually putting anyone on a pedestal...I still believe in letting someone know when they are appreciated!

So, now...here we are: June 2011...and Jay is making a stop in Owen Sound! He has a new song out with Patricia Conroy.... which BTW... She is fabulous, too!!! And, I finally get to meet Jay! I look forward to hearing more music come our way!

I know, I know...I had to pull him down to my level...but, it was FUN! Safe Travels, Jay...see you at the CCMAs in Hamilton this Sept!

Let me introduce you to someone special...

OK...so, I don't really know Joni...only through facebook...BUT...I have met her wonderful husband Troy through the music industry. Troy always spoke well of his (then, partner - they are married now) wife Joni when interviewed. I felt like I knew her just a little bit. So, we became friends on facebook.
Cancer has been in my life in various ways...and, each time: it scares me, pisses me off, and down-right makes me sad....sometimes mourn. I do not like cancer.
What I do like is how Joni opened up and talked about Mr Bad C.....this letter "still" makes me cry. I am so happy that Mr. Bad C did not rape her of life.
And, this is why I am sharing this with you - with her permission - and, please feel free to comment afterwords. Cancer is serious and it is everywhere. And, may it never take YOU from this world!

Dear Cancer...

by Joni Delaurier on Monday, June 13, 2011 at 6:07pm

An exercise I was given..."write a letter to your cancer". Because often we write what we cannot say, and often what we did not know we felt.

-----

Dear cancer,

It's now been four and a half months since we crossed paths. I have been talking a lot about you, but never to you. It's exhausting. And it's not fair for you to get off the hook so easily. It's time we sorted a few things out between us.

You don't get how you mess up people's lives and the kind of wreckage you leave behind. And I'm one of the lucky ones. Your sins against me are small compared to others. I have every reason to believe that this time, you won't get to claim a win and that 3 months from now, I will only have traces and memories of you. But while I am planning to survive you, I am still forever changed by you. And I will never again get to be someone who hasn't faced and feared you cutting my days short.

You want to know what should be on your conscience?

• Hearing scary words like "tumors", "malignancy", "recurrance", "prognosis", "metasteses" and knowing they apply to me now, too.
• Causing me to tell my husband of three months that everything was going to be ok, even though I had no idea if it would be. And knowing that he could read through the fear and the tears, and that he was scared too.
• Making my mom cry and my dad silent when they found out you had taken residence in their youngest child.
• Leaving a large, difficult to camouflage scar on my neck (not unlike the Nike sign - only more like "Just 'Don't' Do It")...a permanent reminder of our time together every time I look in the mirror.
• Making me want to do nothing more than lie around on the couch since we crossed paths. At first, because I was scared that you might start roaming around in my body if I got my heart rate up (you are irrational, so am I). Then, because of the surgery, and feeling like crap. And finally, once I was physically healed, because I was depressed and had a hard time leaving my house.
• Weight gain and medication mood swings.
• Having to write down YOUR name in my medical history. Getting denied for insurance because of our history. Taking two days to read 6 pages because I can only handle seeing your name so many times before it makes me tired and sad.
• Stealing my low range and highest range when I sing. (And if I don't get it back eventually, you and I will be having more words about this!)
• Knowing you are still sitting in a drawer somewhere with my name on it, in case we need to dig you up again for more testing.
• Fearing that you will want to come back one day.

If I am being honest and fair, I have learned from you. I don't want you to misunderstand this and have you thinking I am happy to have known you. I'm not. But what you've taught me is that:

• I need to slow down.
• I love yoga.
• My family doctor likes to high-five and hug when she gets good test results.
• My veins are resilient and strong, and can handle giving blood 19 times in six days.
• The human body is amazing. The human spirit is inspiring.
• I have the best friends and family. Ever.
• People that I didn't even know really LIKED me, LOVE me. And told me so, simply and freely.
• Some people you think will be there for you, aren't, while strangers will surprise you with their generosity and kindness.
• God is good, and He's everywhere. And if I really listen in unlikely places, prayers aren't just a one-way conversation.
• I will always love chocolate, even right after major surgery. And even if I'm starving, I will not eat tuna.
• My husband is unfailing in his love, even when I feel unloveable. And even if he's lying, he swears scars are sexy.
• Our health care system works when you need it to.
• There are so many sick people, but there's so many getting better too.
• You aren't always a death sentence even though you sure try.
• Even in my saddest, most fearful moments, music flows through them all.

So that's it. Do I feel better after getting that off my chest? Not sure. It needed to be said. I may never truly understand why you, and why me and why now but it doesn't really matter anyway. You happened. I can only hang on to the good stuff and try to let go of the fear.

What I want you to hear: it's time for you to go away for good now, and to leave me and my family and friends alone. I will never forget you, but I desperately hope to never see you again.

******

From Craig Moritz interview to Candi International

I was interviewing Craig Moritz today and found out that he has 3 dogs.....count 'em...3 dogs! I love dogs!!! Found out one of them is a rescue. OMG...this man has a heart!

He told me about Candi International: http://www.candiinternational.org/

No, it is NOT about candies, the ones you eat.....CANDi... saving the lives of stray cats and dogs through spay, neuter and adoption programs supported by the tourism industry, travelers and pet lovers.

So, thank you Craig! I am doing my part and spreading the news!!

It may be small to you.....

...but, it would make a difference to me!
Ah, Victoria Day weekend...a long weekend for most...a work weekend for me. I rarely see a long weekend, but I have become accustomed to that scenario.

This weekend may have started off on the wrong foot...but, turned out GREAT! So, I didn't get to see Tommy Gilham & The Chill Billy's. Disappointing, but I am sure to see them again! They have a new CD coming out - YAY!

Saturday...well, I was off until 5pm. Turned out to be hot/humid/and Sunny, and I was okay with that! Actually got to help plant some flowers...okay, I really just picked the stones to go into the flower pots, weeded, turned the soil, and chose the spots where to plant the flowers. I didn't actually "plant." Just to be clear!

4:30 rolls around and I head to the station where I will meet our Route 93 winners and travel to Casino Rama with them to see Lonestar [there are perks to working weekends!] Great concert, BTW. New lead looks and sounds great! And, getting to Rama in a Limo [which was upgraded] never hurts, either.

Sunday was an early start as I headed to Lions Head for a remote. Great people, funny and just all around normal folk. I actually very much enjoyed my remote. AND,...best part...I found SHORTS that actually fit me - ladies golf shorts...go figure - So....I bought 2. Oh, come on...I had to. Do you have any idea how difficult it is for me to find nice shorts that fit right?! Let me tell you...it may never happen again...that's how rare it is. Maybe I should be in their commercials?! LOL
Then...heading home, from what started off to be a raining down pour to fabulous new clothing find (from The Cottage)...I decided to take a short cut home. OK...it only cuts a couple of minutes, but, so what?! So, I turn onto 17B and come across a turtle crossing the road. I almost stop to pick him up, but thought twice. Didn't want to be hissed or snapped at...and the little buggers can move quite fast when they want to! Watch out Hare!....further up the road, I see something right in the line of tire tracks. Is that a camera. Oh crap...what do I do?! There goes my 2 minute lead on getting home! I pull over. Yes, it is a very expensive camera! I pick it up, feeling like a thief...looking in the woods for someone to jump out and accuse me! Nope...I safely pick up the camera and pray that there will be some sort of ID inside. Prayers answered, I left a msg to someone somewhere in Toronto. Please check your messages! I don't want to be holding this camera. Super long story short...I got a call from a beautiful lady that said her husband was frantic & upset! I even traveled to Inglis Falls (where they had stopped) and delivered their unharmed baby. *Footnote here: my son had a similar camera stolen from him a couple of years prior...so, I knew that it would be important for this person to get the camera back. My son, to this day, has not ever seen his camera again!
His wife took a pic of us - hopefully not for evidence ;) - and I gave them my business card. And, I left Inglis Falls with a swollen heart. He was so darn happy to get that camera back. :D THIS...this is a small thing in the whole scheme of life...but, to he and I...it was large and meaningful! So, Henry...enjoy that camera and hope the pic finds its way to Country 93!

To top the weekend off - got to watch a fabulous game between my Love..The Owen Sound Attack vs the ST John Sea Dogs (from my province of birth)...ok, so the Sea Dogs bit us in the chomp in Overtime...but, we will be back tomorrow night!!! Beware the Bear, the Attack are here! Go ATTACK, Go! Come on now...chant everybody: Go Attack, Go! Go Attack, Go! http://www.youtube.com/mix1065owensound

My name is Donna and I have a dog...

....ok, so, he isn't really my dog. He might-as-well-be, though! :) First of all, we have the same hair...the breeder said so. Yes, he has wavy dark hair, as well. And, he is a goof-ball,...apparently I am, too - according to the Creative Director at work. Difference is, I don't bite - but, I could. So, don't push me! ;)

To me: he is the cutest thing ever. And, it's a good thing 'cause I'd be tempted to throw him over a bridge and into a lake. Don't worry...not dog abuse...he is a water dag. He'd only swim back to shore and come back to annoy me!

He is a purebred Portuguese Water Dog. His Dad, Black Galaxy - is a champion. (Finn must get his DNA from his Mom ;) ),....and, his Mom is named Sea Breeze. Finn is definitely a combination of both.

He belongs to my friend, but I was in Finn's life right from the start...4.5 months. He is over a year now...just barely...& I love him very much!

So, today is raining, I took him for a walk and he becomes invigorated...he almost bucks like a Bronco...excited and geared up to go. I, on the other hand...look like a drowned rat! I, also...feel like a cat that was just thrown in water. But, like any good Mom...when we get home, I take him out back to play fetch with the ball. Not in my wildest dreams did I ever think I would be a "Mom" at 43. But, I love him...and I am happy to be able to share him. :)

I plan on sharing my stories of Finn right here. He is a doll, comedian, companion, and dawg! He makes me laugh on a daily basis ( I will at this time neglect to mention the moments when he pisses me off - like eating my flip-flop or barking in my face or the dirty pinches that leave a bruise.)

My name is Donna, and I have a dog named Finn, who really isn't my dog - I'll just pretend! "Finn...don't chew that stick!" Arf!

Just a Rant

I am sitting here on a Friday night....a little upset, and I know I shouldn't be. Never choose to be the victim. But, sometimes I get so frustrated and just want to be a normal person for once...

I, too, have feelings.

First of all....it takes a lot to throw me over the top...and, I'm clinging to the fence post or rock face with scratches from my fingernails right now! So many little issues - 'cause life isn't always roses and there are complications to hurdle - and, I seem to be running a Full-Fledge Marathon of Hurdles at the moment....

It's like I don't know how to jump track and take a breather...I feel like I am in a boxing ring taking one punch after another. And, reality is...I understand about affirmations and what-not...I must be dreaming this $h*t...'cause I truly believe I deserve better.

And, on that note...I take the time to reflect and show gratitude for the really good things in life: like the special friends I have - which I will not name,...you know who you are, my kids (regardless of the fact that they may be upset with me at any given time), a roof over my head, a job I love, and opportunities presenting themselves ( just waiting for them to bloom now.)

So,...movie producers out there...here is someone just waiting to act :), future lover...I'm ready, beautiful property ( I can move anytime),...and well...my friends have my #! You can always reach me...so...

Someone...please pull me off the track of hurdles...show me to the locker room so that I can shower and relax! :)

Another April Sunday...

Ahhh, spring is here...and, it finally feels like it. I love to hear the birds chirping in the morning [Morning doves & pigeons, on the other hand...can go to H3ll] Today is one of those Mixed-bag-of-tricks kind of days....ok morning turns into major rain and thunder, now blah with the signs of blue skies. Maybe the sun will come out just in time for Dinner/Supper [ironic & piss3r when it does that!] My sons are back home from, I'd say, one of the hardest moments of their lives. Their Grandpa passed away from pancreatic & lung cancer [thankfully no more suffering...it has been a long, yet not long enough, over 3 years.] I know that they need to live their lives...the youngest one soon enough...but, I love having them back. Things feel mostly normal. So, I sit in my sons room, on his laptop, looking out the window - when I am not typing - at the green grass and signs of a promising summer. I have my novel next to me - which I am reading when not typing - James Patterson: Swimsuit. In my odd way...it reminds me of summer. I even placed sunscreen - be still my beating heart says MJ - on my face. I was optimistic on having sunshine today. See, yesterday was beautiful and after work I sat on a deck...actually got red arms. :) Ahhhh, the colors of summer & sunshine! So,...I understand the April showers...they bring May flowers...in time for June jammin' & July tanning....ok, that makes no sense at all. I think I have Spring Fever. What is Spring Fever?! :P Is it May yet?

Concert Season is on the way...

Just recently, I went to the press release of Lucknow Music In The Fields....at Finlayson's Restaurant....delicious food, btw!!!
It was cool to talk to the Media Relations guy and throw some names out there...nice to be asked for my opinion! :)
It occurred to me...I have been oh so busy and Concert Season hasn't really hit yet. Oh boy...I am going to be in big trouble!!! There are so many cool concerts hitting the area. And, all the concerts I'll miss because they are so far away. [Mind You....I'm so used to working concerts, rather than watching.]
So, being curious - my nature - just wondering whom you would like to see in concert this summer?! Tell me!

Hockey

Due to obligations...could not stay at the Hockey game tonight. The Owen Sound Attack are in the playoffs...and OMG....I am excited! Yes, I am been dealing with other issues (over-work & loss of a man whom was like my own DAD)....but, to have the Attack in this position is quite exciting and gives a bit of relief to the sorrow I feel inside.

The Attack & Knights were 2 for 2...and this was Game 5 and the Attack creamed the Knights. I'm a happy girl! :) They won 6 - 0! Just hoping Game 6 can be our win, as well!!!! Go Attack, Go!

Tonight...the Leafs were playing the Senators and they happened to come on top beating them 4 -2. Hmmm...... Maybe I should have bought a lotto ticket?! lol

Has this ever happened to you?

I'm so scared that the way that I feel is written all over my face.
When you walk into the room, I wanna find a hiding place.
We used to laugh. We used to hug, the way that old friends do.
But now a smile and a touch of your hand just make me come unglued.
It's such a contradiction. Do I lie or tell the truth?
Is it fact or fiction...The way I feel for you?

It's so complicated. I'm so frustrated. I wanna hold you close. I wanna push you away. I wanna make you go. I wanna make you stay. Should I say it? Should I tell you how I feel? Oh, I want you to know, But then again, I don't! It's so complicated.

Just when I think I'm under control....I think I finally got a grip.
Another friend tells me that my name is always on your lips.
They say I'm more than just a friend. They say I must be blind.
Well I admit that I've seen you watch me from the corner of your eye...
Oh it's so confusing. I wish you'd just confess. But think of what I'd be losing if your answer wasn't yes.

I hate it 'cause I've waited so long for someone like you. Should I say it? Should I tell you how I feel? Oh I want you to know...But, then again, I don't! It's so complicated!

*This has to be one of my fav songs! One of many - chuckle! And, yes...some of this pertains or has pertained to me....or may in the future pertain to me... :) Thanks for making this song a hit, CDJ! <3

Do you believe???

I am just curious if you believe in affirmations???

I started on Country 93 but really made a huge "debut" on 560 CFOS and became Producer of The Messenger Files with Carole Matthews. Check her out http://www.carolematthewsintuitive.com cause I certainly learned a lot from her! I learned that where I was in life....I put myself there. Going on the beliefs of other people. Not believing in my self-worth, etc. Well, I know differently now and I know affirmations do work.

Example: I always wanted to Cruise...always loved the Caribbean, especially St. Thomas, USVI...Nassau, Bahamas, and Puerto Rico. Not too long after I put it out there....BAM...I got the email that I was going on the CFOS Cruise....to those destinations.

Most of my life, I wanted a Jeep....BAM...start working for Troy/Edwards...and vehicle of choice was.....my Jeep.

Love dogs and for a couple of years eyed a Portuguese Water Dog - and, although Finn is not really mine...he is my baby...I am "raising" him. I have the pleasure to be a part of his life.

Always loved music & working with indie artists: I am an Emerging Artist Coordinator and work Middays on Country 93...ok, part of that may be my Mom's affirmation. She said it often enough.

Love to act: found my college buddies who own and run The Cousin Company, an Indie Film Company http://www.thecousincompany.ca

And, when I was losing hope and feeling caged in and basically choking...I ran into someone who just made me realize I could have and deserve more. To let go of past insecurities instilled by others (and myself....will not play the victim). And, within such a short amount of time - this person means so much to me. I know, I am weird. I can't help it...I just feel what I feel. Nor do I want to stop it. It is who I am!

There are many other affirmations that have happened....and eventually I believe that perfect (perfect for me) partner will arrive. Yes, I do believe! Good things do come to good people! :)

When people die...

...it totally sucks.
I know,...very intelligent words, Donna...but, reality is: it sucks!
So many of my family members have died of cancer. Pretty much all of them. I have friends struggling with it, friends just winning the battle [KUDOS], and those that have no choice but to just wait.
What would you do, or how would you feel knowing that you have cancer...and your death bed has been served??? The one thing I suggest to all of you is to get rid of the negatives ASAP...and surround yourself with happiness & positive & laughter. It won't mean you are naive to the fact...just filling your cells with good energy. Now, if I could be that strong --- kudos to me. I seem to always be better at helping others than myself!!!!
Right now, I don't feel ready to go. Do we ever? I'm not sure. All I know is that there is a huge beautiful world that I want to eventually explore with the "one I love" or AKA, partner.
My father-in-law [I refuse to use ex] is currently battling pancreatic & lung cancer - for over 3 years. It hurts me to have to talk to him on the phone [he lives 2 provinces away]...don't get me wrong...I love him dearly and he certainly has been a Dad to me. But, that's just it. He has a death sentence....we are just waiting. And, to know that each phone call could be the last - well, it is killing me inside. I asked him to be honest with me throughout the course of it: How do you really feel? Are you scared? Does it hurt? Are you staying positive? Are the Nurses good to you [I knew they would be]....And, he has been honest. Last I spoke to him: he was no longer eating, but was not in pain. And, he said he was probably getting weaker. No,..he was getting weaker. He has been one of the strongest people in my life [and still is]...I am going to miss him terribly. It's horrible when you sit there and can imagine the funeral of someone you love dearly....all because you know the time is coming.
As far as I know....at this exact moment...he is still hanging on. I am proud of how you have handled this battle, Roger! You are an inspiration! I love you and wish I could hug you one more time!

Is it strange???

I have to say....again....I love my job for what I get out of it. Oh, the pay has yet to be desired...but there are benefits! I get to hear great music, meet fantastically talented people, watch amazing concerts [best place is almost from backstage, for me] and get to venture out into the community. Mind you...it isn't always peaches & cream....but a little Granny Smith Apple is good to throw in for variety...right?!

So, why am I bringing this up?! For a shy, quiet girl...I have certainly become an open book. And, the need to share [for whatever reason] I am not sure why?! I guess that I was quiet for so darn long - just felt like opening up.

So, my last adventure was completely a surprise for me. I was able to go to Canadian Music Week for my very first time. Little City Girl heads to TO. I am excited,...then panic...OMG. I have to call Kimmer. She can be my guide for when I get lost. Or my chauffeur...since most of you think I am a Diva. Ok, maybe a little...

Kimmer was the best! Not only is she a bestfriend...but, she can take over when my insecurities kick-in, and she can plan things out like a lean-mean-machine. So, our adventures started on a Friday at 4pm...heading to the big city for a new Country experience. We were fortunate to be invited into a friends home for the weekend...which was close to the venue. The hospitality was fabulous! The venue was fun! And, for not being from the area...I sure knew a lot of people at the venue. Amazing! [You have to understand,...I come from a life where I had no life. No people around me.]

One of the highlights of my trek was actually seeing 2 CCMAs. Yup, our Host won 2 of them [that I know of] and being silly as I am....had to take a shot of them. Is it absolutely CRAZY that I was excited about this???? I suppose that a part of me always wanted to be a musician/singer and having an Award sitting on my bookshelf would be kind of cool, you know...

And, to actually get to know the person who won them, and realize that - Yeah, they definitely deserved them! - Coolio.

BTW....I was surprised to learn that our Host adds "io" to some words, as well. Another exciting part of my trip. Whats the Dealio with that?! ;)

OK, I have not been blogging for quite some time. I feel like I have lost a limb. Broken an arm. Gone crazy! Problem is...no laptop at home. No computer. I really need one.

I love my job, but when my day is done....I want to go home and relax. I like the feel of home. I like the security, the peace & quiet, the do-as-I-please freedom and feeling. I need it. I want it.

Lately, I have been dealing with a lot of stress. I want to chat with you about it, but I don't want to hurt certain people. And, that leaves me empty handed.

And, so...this is not an apology for not being able to Blog on a regular basis, but basically an explanation as to why I am not Blogging daily, or even weekly. Maybe I just need motivation. I guess my life has become busy and that has been stressful, too. Don't get me wrong...I like that I am busy and it is much better than not! So please hang in there....I will find a way to at least get a weekly Blah in! :o)

Music Mix-Ups

So,...I finally get out to an Attack game. Seems like it has been a lifetime!

Hockey...whether I know the play or not, is a huge part of my life! Always has been! My parents took me out to games, I even had a hockey stick when I was young. So, for me to get out to a game --- Bonus!

So, I'm at the Owen Sound Attack game [ http://www.attackhockey.com ] with a number of friends and we are listening to the Pre-Game "Get-you-in-the-Attack-mode-Music." It's up-beat & fun!

Sometimes...people don't really hear what the words of songs are, though: here's a prime example!

The Friend: What is this song? Why are they singing Prozac, Prozac?

Me: I don't know what it is?... Prozac? Huh?!

The Friend: Yes, they are singing Prozac, Prozac.....listen....

Me: [cock head sideways and listen....]

Me: :) [smiles]

The Friend: Why would they sing about Prozac?!

Me: They're not saying Prozac, "Friend"...it's Attack, Attack!

The Friend: Oh!

DUH!!!!!

How could I miss this?!

Today is Wednesday, January 19th, 2011....
OMG.....I am sooooooooooooo excited...seriously!

I am one of the fortunate ones going to see Brad Paisley on January 28th in Hamilton...limo provided! BONUS! It is all a part of the Country 93 Route 93! I am one of the lucky announcers that get to join the Winner & his guests.

So, I have seen Brad in concert before courtesy of Cory...and OMG....this man is amazing! He is one of the most amazing guitar players ever! And, his concerts...OMG! Totally cool! So, getting to see Brad a second time...exciting. THEN....I found out that Jerrod Niemann is opening. OM Double G! I <3 Jerrod! Jerrod.....I luv ya! So,....I was extremely excited for this date to arrive!!!

Now, I have been waiting a while for this concert and it popped up again...and this time...[Faint]...I found out that Darius Rucker will be performing, as well. I have always wanted to see Darius...even when he was in Hootie & The Blowfish.

SCREAM..........----> 2011 January goes out with a BANG! Brad Paisley, Darius Rucker, Jerrod Niemann....I am so ready for a night out ---- Limo style!

Pssttt...I heard a rumour!

So....lately, I have been battling Sinusitis & Bronchitis. I think I can finally see light at the end of the tunnel. But, on top of these annoying disturbances in my life....I am worried about Roger (battling for his life/pancreatic & lung cancer), Donna who is going for her Liberation of MS at the end of this week, Eileen who just went through a battle with Breast Cancer and WON! YAY, Eileen.......and, a friend who is not living the ideal life right now (you know who you are my partner in crime), a son who truly needs a job, another who needs to get off the games for a bit, a Sister that I am always worried about & crave a closer relationship with! And....on January 11th...my Baby got sick. Vomit & diarrhea.....again....a bacteria. :( This is where the rumour lies....

I look tired! I am tired! I have had late nights and the bags are showing under my eyes! Yikes.... I commented to a co-worker [as we are walking down the hall] that I would slit my wrists if I got pregnant in my 40's...and, here I am, a Mommy again. ***[Insert ears perking up here]***

Pregnant??? Hmmm....

[Insert rolling of my eyes here...all the way down the Hall - Insert Co-Worker laughing]

OK,...so I gained a couple of lbs.... 2 lbs People! And, the bags under my eyes are from stress, worry, and middle of the night let-the-dog-out-to-pee bags! I am NOT pregnant...and the only baby that could ever, possibly be on the way would be another Pup. Wait a minute, did I say another pup?! Slit!

Um,...9-1-1!!!!

My phone call yesterday...

...I was in a panic to call my Father-in-law...[I refuse to use "ex" with Sandra & Roger]...you see, 3 years ago in Feb....I found out the news that would make us live in fear and devastation..."Roger has cancer. Pancreatic & Lung...." It was like I was hit in the stomach with an axe.

I met Sandra & Roger when I was 17...I started dating their son. And, at a time when I needed my Dad (whom could not be there for me at the time)...I had Roger. Roger became my Dad. And, he was very much a part of my life for 17 years. I have been separated for 9 years now, but have kept in constant contact with Sandra & Roger...after all, they were/are my family regardless! And, I had my 2 boys to consider,as well!

Kyle was my first child...and first Grandchild on both sides of the family...then, before any others came along...I had Ryan, my second child. So...Grampy Thibodeau is very special to them.

So, I got to talk to Roger yesterday and it was one of the hardest things for me to do. The realization that he has gone 3 years with these horrible cancers, that the treatments stopped in July, that he is under palliative care, that he is losing weight like crazy, that his voice no longer sounds strong like the man I gained strength from, and saying the words "I love you..." knowing it could be the last time... just about killed me. He told me to hug the boys and kiss them....tell them how much he loves them...and, to tell them the importance of keeping in touch. :) I cried...and I cried. My heart is sobbing....I miss him and he isn't even gone yet.

The one thing I am very thankful and grateful for...I am able to converse with him. He is still alive and functioning, and he knows exactly how I feel! I love you, Roger...thanks for filling in as a Dad when I needed one....and thanks for being a fantastic Grampy to the 2 most precious things in my life: Kyle & Ryan! Muah...I love you all the sky!